Little broken hippo I Santa Fe, Texas Blogger

Shelby's little hippo piggy bank broke yesterday.


As I was gluing the pieces she handed me back together I noticed that God was quickening my spirit for a lesson for myself.


This fragile ceramic art my daughter had made broke into two pieces. I knew it could be fixed with the right kind of glue and length of time for the glue to set. So I stranded the bead of glue on the fragments and thus placed the pieces together to set.


Shells said we can just tape it together. But that's only a temporary fix an knowing my little one it would not last long lol. So I told her we would glue it together for it to be strong again.


Then it hit me...like a warm flood of peace.


I'm.......we.........are like this fragile ceramic art. We are God's masterpiece that He made in His image...though much more fragile.

We get our feelings hurt, things fall apart around us....and things happen that break us down.


But when we have the faith knowing that God can and will restore us ... He puts us back together with the right kind of glue.


Now those crack lines will still be there, but it give the hippo character.


Our toughest times develop our character; it gives us a reminder of how God does heal our wounds. I am not called to be a perfect-flawless person. No one is. We are just called to be us.


The past few weeks have been the hardest I think I've ever faced. Loss, hardship, things breaking, arguments I didn't want to happen, events falling through, things happening out of my control. And at times I haven't acted to gracefully as I should and truthfully ...yes even as a youth pastor....just wanted to give up and say forget this.


However, within the breakage I know I'm being refined, I know my family, my relationships, our ministry is being refined.


During the curing process of the glue setting that once things are put back together I'll be stronger. Little ceramic hippo will be stronger at those cracked points with the glue than with out it. God is our glue without it we will never be as strong as we could be.


So though its hard...and at moments I've thought I was a complete mental person that is insane for believing good things could still happen....today I will believe that restoration is possible that God really does have my best interest in mind.


Humbly,
Mrs. Z

Empty but not forgotten I Santa Fe, Texas Blogger

I'll be honest. The past few weeks have been absolutely a train wreck. I am a genuinely happy person but there is something about the grieving process that is just overwhelmingly emotional for me.


That's just how God made me. When I get upset I cry. When I get overly happy I cry. That's ok.


We miscarried the pregnancy of our second child. But there was no child. (I know weird right?)


Trust me we didn't even know this could happen until it happened to us April 12th.


I felt led to write this one because I've always been a writer and it helps me draw out what I need to in order to get through certain moments. And two it will spread the word that these uncommon pregnancy do happen in one in every 1500 pregnancies.


I understand that not everyone's responses during a miscarriage of any type of pregnancy are helpful. Sometimes they're even stressful. But I know, they come from the love they have for me...even if they don't know what to say. . . or they say the wrong thing that makes me want to cry. Its ok. :)


Trust me this isn't even easy for me to write...yesterday was Easter...I couldn't even stay for the entire Sunday service. I was just that much of an emotional wreck. But rather than stuff my feelings down. . . I know I have to let them out. Otherwise its not healthy for me, my family nor anything else in my life.


I was very angry at first when we found out how this was going to end. My initial thought was oh my gosh seriously this whole time I was pregnant with nothing!! Really? Why in the world would I have to go through this?!? It doesn't make sense, I don't get it!! This isn't fair...we've done everything right and this is what we get....nothing!!!


Then when people started asking. . . they didn't know this was possible either.


This type of pregnancy is called a blighted ovum. I was still pregnant. I was still emotionally and physically pregnant with a gestational sac and an egg....but it was empty. It was growing....my belly was growing...but I was hosting an empty egg. Nothing.


People have said, well at least it wasn't a real baby. Or....at least your still have your daughter. This is not helpful. I'm just being honest that yes I know you see the blessings I still have...I see them too but for a brief moment I need to just get over this....to let my grief go....


The medical explanation of a blighted ovum is:

"The sac will continue to grow and grow, and most women do not know there is no baby until an ultrasound is done. Your pregnancy symptoms will seem to go away. A blighted ovum is believed to be caused by an egg or sperm with poor genetic material. When the egg is fertilized, instead of creating both a sac and a baby, the part that should be a baby never grows.

Sometimes, the cells that would have become the embryo fail. This is probably due to there being too many or too few chromosomes during fertilisation. But the cells that become the placenta and membranes keep developing, so the pregnancy sac continues to grow, and the placenta starts to form. It's not the mother nor father's fault these things just simply happen without explanation. This doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either party.

Your body doesn't recognize that no baby is developing inside the sac, because pregnancy hormones are still being produced, which prevent a miscarriage.

It can come as quite a shock when you're told this. You may struggle to accept it, and need time to come to terms with the news you were least expecting to hear.

These are random in nature and the woman's next pregnancy has a reasonable chance of being normal.

Another common misunderstanding about miscarriage is that a woman will experience less grief if she loses the baby early in her pregnancy. But most researchers have not been able to find an association between the length of gestation and intensity of grief, anxiety or depression (Research in Nursing & Health). A woman who has lost her child at 11 weeks may be as distraught as a woman who has lost her child at 20 weeks, says Jaffe's co-author, Martha Diamond, PhD."

Coping:

Blighted ovum can be a traumatic diagnosis when it comes unexpected; like in chemical pregnancy, it can sound like there was never a baby. Friends and relatives may not understand why a woman grieves a blighted ovum. In a blighted ovum, it is true that the baby did not develop enough to be visible on ultrasound, but a conception did occur and the pregnancy did exist -- and it is OK to grieve the loss of the baby.

Things are just a wreck. I know this won't be forever. This is only a season and as a family we will be alright.

The psalmist David, said bless the Lord oh my soul........he didn't want to....he made himself. David knew what it was to go through times when he didn't want to praise the Lord.

Psalm 28:7

⁷ The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise him.

In Shelby's lightheartedness she's been a joy to be around and has uplifted us so much. The joy of the Lord is our strength.

To all of our family and friends....even though we may not feel like talking....being around a lot of people at the present moment.......... we are deeply grateful for all the prayers and thoughts for us. In the days ahead I know I will have happy days....sad days...angry days....but this will not last forever....and I will press on.....

Humbly,

Mrs. Z

New Yearly Tradition: A Missions Box I Santa Fe, Texas Blogger

I've been thinking a lot lately on how I can incorporate more of the Great Commission calling into our family.

Our church already has monthly mission opportunities such as feeding the homeless, going to the women's crisis center, and going to the nursing home . . . and as often as we can we go. . . but I wanted to do something extra on the family front.

Galveston Homeless Ministry

The bible is laced with scriptures that say we as the body of Christ are suppose to tell people about Jesus and we are help take care of them.

"And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation." [Mark 16:15]

"For so the Lord has commanded us, saying, “I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.” [Acts 13:47]

Yesterday, God gave me this amazing idea to have a missions box in my car.

This box will be in the cargo area of my car and whenever an opportunity arises for us to use it as a family we will be readily prepared to bless those who we are called to bless.


Opportunities could be giving items to a homeless person on the corner, giving a stressed out mom with a car full of kids a pack of gum, telling someone about Jesus and then giving them a bible, seeing and elderly person in the cold a blanket....the list for opportunities are endless.

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:40

But the amazing thing is we will be showing our daughter how to live like Christ did with a giving heart, a serving heart, a mission heart.


A few ideas for the mission box are:
-blankets
-bibles both in English and Spanish
-cards about our church
-socks
-plain shirts
-towels
-granola bars
-gum


Perhaps the items will change as the year goes on or as seasons change but this is a great start for a yearly family mission project.


This also cancels out the excuses that we as humans try to come up with ... such as... "I'm not prepared" "I don't have this..." "I would if I had...."


This is just something new that God has given me to do this year with my family.


You are more than welcome to use this idea with your family or pray that God will lead you to do something out of your box this year for the Great Commission.


Humbly,
Mrs. Z

PS: I found this neat little board full of ideas.